Unless you can read God's mind!

"Gw kemarin ke pengajian, terus ustadz bilang kalau memang kejadian super typhoon atau yg lebih dikenal dengan typhoon Haiyan sudah selayaknya menimpa daerah itu. Sudah terlalu banyak HIV didaerah itu, maksiat dan banyak orang yang gak benar di daerah itu. Jadi memang sudah sepantasnya itu buat mereka." kata seorang teman kantor membuka pembicaraan disaat lagi gak ada kerjaan.

Entah kenapa, saya benar2 kesal dengn cerita dari teman saya ini. Bukan krn saya benci agama tertentu, namun krn saya merasa tidak sepantasnya seorang pemuka agama beropini seperti itu.

Buat saya itu, hal yang ngga fair karena kita tidaktau latar belakang para korban. Namanya musibah, ya musibah. Gak milih2 orang dan tempat. Sama halnya kalau ada kebakaran di kampung A terus kita bilang, sudah sewajarnya terjadi kebakaran disitu karena disana banyak pengedar narkoba. Kita lupa bahwa didaerah sekitar itu banyak org2 baik yg kecipratan api juga dan ikut jadi. 

Bisa kah anda menerima pernyataan yg sama saat (amit amit) saudara anda meninggal karena kecelakaan, kemudian ada org yg bilang kalau mereka layak atas kecelakaan itu krn ini dan itu?

Begitu pula halnya dengan musibah typhoon yg menimpa org2 di bagian selatan Filipina. Saya tidak bisa menerima pernyataan yg seakan2 menyudutkan korban bencana secara keseluruhan hanya karena...... Ha I Ve? 

Ingat!

1. Pemuka agama bukan Tuhan

2. Tidak sepantasnya pemuka agama menghakimi orang yg terkena musibah karena... (Baca nomor 1)

Ps. Tulisan ini bukan menyudutkan satu agama. Namun saya berbicara ini secara general bahwa pemuka agama, agama apapun agar sebijak mungkin dlm "menyimpulkan" sesuatu..

Tertanda,

Adam

Please Listen To What I'm Not Saying

by Charles C. Finn, As read by Roscoe on WBAI, April 1967

Please don't be fooled by me. Don't be fooled by the face I wear, for I wear a mask. I wear a thousand masks, masks that I'm afraid to take off and none of them are me. Pretending is an art that is second nature to me, but don't be fooled, for God's sake don't be fooled.

I give you the impression I'm secure and that all is sunny and unruffled with me, within as well as without, that confidence is my name, coolness my game, that water is calm and I'm in command and that I need no one, but don't believe me, please don't believe me.

My surface may be smooth, but my surface is a mask--my every varying and ever concealing mask. Beneath it dwells the real confusion, fear and aloneness. Beneath lies my smugness, my complacently, but I hide this--I don't want anyone to know it.

.....but I hide this--I don't want anyone to know it.

I panic at the thought of my weakness and fear being exposed. That's why I frantically created a mask to hide behind-- nonchalant sophisticated facades to help me pretend-- to shield me from the glance that knows-- but such a glance is precisely my salvation, my only salvation and I know it. That is if it's followed by acceptance. If it's followed by love, it's the only thing that can liberate me from myself, from my own self built prison walls and from the barriers that I so painstakingly erect. It's the only thing that will assure me of what I cannot assure myself, that I'm really worth while, but I don't tell you this, I don't dare--I'm afraid to.

I'm afraid that your glance will not be followed by acceptance and love. I'm afraid you'll think less of me and you'll laugh and your laugh will kill me. I'm afraid that deep down, I'm nothing and that I'm just no good and that you'll see this and reject me.

So I play my game; my desperate pretending; with the facade of assurance without and a trembling child within. And so begins the parade of masks, the glittering, but empty parade of masks and my life becomes a front. I idle chatter to you in suave tones of surface talk. I tell you everything that's really nothing and nothing of what's everything and what's crying within me.

So when I'm through going through my routine, do not be fooled by what I'm saying. Please listen carefully and try to hear what I'm not saying--what I'd like to be able to say, but for survival I need to say, but what I can't say.

I dislike hiding, honestly, I dislike the superficial game I'm playing, the superficial phony game. I'd really like to be genuine, spontaneous and me, but you've got to help me, you've got to hold out your hand, even when it's the last thing I seem to want or need.

You can help wipe away from my eyes--the blank stare of grieving dead. You can help call me into aliveness each time you're kind, gentle and encouraging. Each time you try to understand because you really care, my heart begins to grow wings, very small wings, very feeble wings, but wings.

If you choose to, please choose to. You can help break down the wall behind which I tremble. You can encourage me to remove my mask. You can help release me from my shadowed world of panic and uncertainty. From my lonely prison.

So do not pass me by-- please don't pass me by. It will not be easy for you. A lone conviction of worthlessness builds strong walls. The nearer you approach me, the blinder I may strike back.
It's irrational, but despite what books say about man, I am irrational, I fight against the very things that I cry out for, but I am told love is stronger than strong walls. In this lies my hope, my only hope, please help beat down those walls with firm hands, but with gentle hands--for a child is very sensitive.

Who am I, you may wonder? I am someone you know very well. For I am every man you meet and I am every women you meet.

Don't Judge!

Hari ini saya teringat tentang obrolan saya dengan salah satu hosmet saya beberapa malam yang lalu. Jadi entah kenapa beberapa malam lalu, lagi asyik menyiapkan makan malam dan tiba2 membicarakan tentang hosmet yang lain.

Sebenarnya ini bermula saat hosmet kenalan dengan 2 cewek waktu kami lagi asyik nongkrong di tempat favorit kalo mau 'minum'. Disana saat lagi asyik ngobrol ngalor-ngidul tiba2 salah satu hosmet nekat ngajak kenalan 2 cewek yang juga lagi asyik nongkrong. Akhirnya percakapan mereka dimulai untuk kurang kebih 1 jam-an, tukeran nomor hape, dan akhirnya kami pulang.

Singkat cerita (halah!), semakin intenslah pertemuan mereka sampai nonton, dinner dll. Well, buat saya pribadi sih, i really dont give a shit with what people do. But please, dont get me involve! ;) nah, teman saya yang ini mengangkat pembicaraan tentang hosmet kami yang yang ternyata sudah punya pacar nan jauh disana. Namun dimulai dari percakapan kecil yg ngomongin orang akhirnya kami justru bertukar pendapat tentang opini masing2.

Saya yang notabene gak suka ngomongin orang lain justru sedikit terusik dengan tingkahnya dia. Apalah daya, buat saya konsep hidup saya "yah udah sik, hidup-hidup mereka!". Come on, Why dont you mind your own business and stop judging? I mean, seriously? Gw sebagai teman yang *ehem* baik, gw sudah pernah ingetin hosmet kami itu.

Nah buat gw, cukup sekali ingetin mereka. Gak perlu ulang2 kok. Udah sama2 gede. Udah sama2 tau kalau setiap tindakan yang kita lakukan pasti ada akibatnya. So buat gw, ngingetin itu cukup sekali.. Buka pikiran mereka. And the rest, take it on your own risk! As simple as that!

Buat gw tindakan yang dilakukan, pasti ada alasan dibalik itu dan untuk nge-judge org bahwa dia begini/begitu sangat2 bikin gak nyaman. Coba berkaca, lihat diri sendiri. We are not even better than people we judged. In life we have ups and downs. As a human being, we make mistakes, we failed.. All of us! So, Don't Judge....

...and the journey begin!

Sebut saja saya Adam!

Sudah lama memang saya pengen bikin blog lebih ke curhatan pribadi tentang kehidupan saya. akhirnya, setelah sekian lama tertunda karena selalu mikir "ah, nanti aja mulainya minggu depan, bulan depan bahkan tahun depan!". Yep, saya bukan tipe orang yang ngotot sebenarnya.. sampai pada akhirnya, hari ini tanggal 19 April 2013 saya memutuskan untuk mulai ngeblog..

Kenapa ngeblog? saya sendiri kurang paham kenapa akhirnya saya memutuskan ngeblog. tapi kemungkinan besar (gak yakin juga sih sebenarnya) karena teman di kantor, which is duduk tepat disebelah saya suka banget ngeblog. dan hampir setiap hari mereka bahasannya tentang blogs. So, There!! no huge reason why i start blogging. i can tell that it's because the people around me. nah, itu dia salah satu sifat saya. selalu mencoba berbaur (hmmm,, apa kebawa arus kali yah) mengikuti pengaruh orang-orang sekitar selama itu masih sesuai dengan track (saya) bukan orang lain maupun agama. Tapi gak gak segitunyya kok saya mudah dipengaruhi. mungkin kalau untuk alasan sosial, saya suka ngekor. tapi kalo udah masalah prinsip, *ehem* saya bukan orang yang gampang dipengaruhi.. (halah, defensive amat sih loe?).

*Sudahlah tentang narsis2an ini. :p

Balik lagi deh, jadi tepat 
hari ini kemarin tanggal 19 april 2013 (karena saat saya nulis ini sudah tanggal 20 April, 1.45 am) saya menetapkan diri untuk mulai ngeblog dengan url http://donttouchmyadamsapple.wordpress.com. kenapa? Kapan-kapan aja deh critanya..

Saya, si Adam yang sedikit tipsy sedang kesal, gak bisa masuk dan menunggu di depan pintu Condominium dari jam 00.30 sampai saat ini 01.55 (and still counting) karena kunci pintu yang seharusnya disimpan 
dibalik meteran air di tempat biasa ternyata dibawa sama hosmet..

Udah dulu deh, ini baru juga tulisan pertama udah banyak bacot! Tetap senyum, dont judge & Don't 
fucking touch my adam's apple!